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60 questions

Questions to get to know your partner

These are the easy, everyday questions that fill in the picture of a person: the song that always lifts their mood, the comfort food they reach for, the cartoon they watched as a child, the film they can rewatch forever, and how they would like your days together to look.

They suit the early months of dating, when everything is new and you are still learning the basics. They work just as well for couples who have been together for years, because favourites and routines change more than people expect.

Because the answers are quick, you can ask several in one sitting, on a call, over breakfast or while cooking.

  1. 1.What song instantly puts you in a good mood?
  2. 2.How does our environment (our home, city, or space) influence our emotional intimacy?
  3. 3.What is your go-to comfort food?
  4. 4.In what ways do we encourage each other's individual growth within our shared lifestyle?
  5. 5.What small thing always makes you laugh?
  6. 6.In what ways has our lifestyle changed for the better since we met?
  7. 7.What movie can you rewatch over and over without getting bored?
  8. 8.If money were no object, how would our daily rhythm change while staying true to our values?
  9. 9.What was your favorite cartoon or show growing up?
  10. 10.How much of our current lifestyle is chosen by us, and how much is dictated by expectations?
  11. 11.If we planned a spontaneous mini-date tonight, what would it be?
  12. 12.What kind of 'rituals of connection' do you wish we practiced more often?
  13. 13.What small habit of mine do you find cute?
  14. 14.What does 'home' mean to you, and how can we make our space reflect that more?
  15. 15.What is your favorite season of the year?
  16. 16.How do our career ambitions currently impact our quality of life as a couple?
  17. 17.Coffee or tea?
  18. 18.If we had more financial freedom, how would our daily lifestyle change emotionally?
  19. 19.What emoji best represents your mood today?
  20. 20.How do we handle rest, and do you feel we give ourselves permission to do nothing together?
  21. 21.If we had to cook together tonight, what should we make?
  22. 22.How do our eating and health habits influence our mood and intimacy?
  23. 23.What board or card game do you enjoy most?
  24. 24.What role does adventure play in our life, and are we getting enough of it?
  25. 25.Morning person or night owl?
  26. 26.In our current lifestyle, do you feel like you have enough 'me-time' to remain a healthy 'we'?
  27. 27.What smell instantly makes you feel good?
  28. 28.How do our social circles influence the way we interact with each other?
  29. 29.What snack do you always grab first?
  30. 30.What is one area of our lifestyle where you feel we are 'just going through the motions'?
  31. 31.What makes a trip instantly more fun for you?
  32. 32.How do we handle life's 'maintenance' (chores, bills, errands) in a way that doesn't drain our joy?
  33. 33.Beach or mountains?
  34. 34.If we could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would we go to grow closer?
  35. 35.What is your favorite way to relax after a long day?
  36. 36.How has our lifestyle changed since we first met, and are we happy with the direction?
  37. 37.What fictional world would you love to visit?
  38. 38.What is our shared philosophy on 'stuff' and minimalism versus abundance?
  39. 39.What always makes you feel a little nostalgic?
  40. 40.Do we make enough time for play and silliness in our daily life?
  41. 41.What is your favorite type of dessert?
  42. 42.How do we define 'success' in our lifestyle, and is it a shared definition?
  43. 43.If we had a free evening with no plans, what should we do?
  44. 44.What is the biggest sacrifice you feel you’ve made for our lifestyle, and was it worth it?
  45. 45.What sound do you love?
  46. 46.How do we nourish our spiritual or intellectual curiosities as a couple?
  47. 47.What always makes you smile, no matter what?
  48. 48.How does our morning routine set the tone for our emotional connection each day?
  49. 49.What makes a place feel cozy to you?
  50. 50.Do you feel our lifestyle allows us to be our most authentic selves?
  51. 51.What is one thing you enjoy doing together?
  52. 52.If we could simplify one part of our lives today, what would it be?
  53. 53.How do we prioritize our physical health as a team, and do we support each other well?
  54. 54.How do our separate hobbies impact the time we spend together?
  55. 55.What is our attitude toward 'aging' together in this lifestyle?
  56. 56.How do we handle changes in our routine when life gets unpredictable?
  57. 57.How do our values regarding sustainability and the environment show up in our home?
  58. 58.What does 'luxury' mean to us, and is it a priority in our life?
  59. 59.How much does the opinion of our extended family shape our lifestyle choices?
  60. 60.In what ways do we foster a sense of curiosity in our everyday lives?

New together

Early on, light questions take the pressure off. Asking about a favourite meal or a childhood show feels natural and still tells you a lot about someone's history, taste and what makes them comfortable. Save the heavier topics for when you both feel ready.

Together for years

Try answering for each other first, then compare. You will probably be right about most things and surprised by a few. Those surprises are worth following up, since they often point to something that changed quietly in your partner's life.

Ask these in Our Story, one a day

In the Our Story app you each answer on your own phone, and neither of you sees the other's answer until both are in. Then they unlock at the same time. A fresh daily question arrives every morning, and the library is sorted by topic for the evenings you want more.

Questions for couples