Questions about money for couples
Money conversations are easier when they start with stories rather than numbers. This list asks how money was handled in the homes you grew up in, what you enjoy spending on, what makes you anxious, how you feel about debt and saving, and what you would like your money to make possible together.
These questions are useful before moving in together, before a big purchase or wedding, or simply when you notice you spend and save in different ways. They do not ask for salaries or account balances.
Expect some different answers. Two people rarely see money the same way, and knowing why is more useful than deciding who is right.
- 1.What does financial security mean to you on an emotional level?
- 2.Who is more likely to spend money on something silly because the packaging was cute?
- 3.If we had no financial constraints, how would our lifestyle change to better reflect our values?
- 4.What would be our 'rich person' eccentric hobby?
- 5.How do you feel our relationship handles financial inequality or differences in income?
- 6.If we had to live on a desert island, which subscription service would you miss the most?
- 7.What is the biggest financial fear you carry from your past?
- 8.What is our 'guilty pleasure' snack that we spend too much money on?
- 9.If you lost your income tomorrow, how would you want me to support you emotionally?
- 10.If you were a billionaire, what would you name our private yacht?
- 11.Which of our shared spending habits makes you feel most 'rich' or fulfilled?
- 12.Who is the 'Minister of Finance' in our relationship?
- 13.What is one 'money rule' you grew up with that you want to break in our relationship?
- 14.If we found a bag of money that we couldn't return, where would we hide it?
- 15.What is the most 'irresponsible' thing you’ve ever done with money, and what did it teach you?
- 16.If our cat/dog had a credit card, what would be the first thing they'd buy?
- 17.How do you want to be treated if we face a period of financial hardship?
- 18.Which one of us is more likely to lose a coin in the sofa cushions?
- 19.Which of our shared expenses brings you the most genuine joy?
- 20.If you could create a new currency, what would you name it and what would it look like?
- 21.Do you feel like my spending habits reflect respect for our future together?
- 22.What's the funniest bargain you've ever found?
- 23.How do you feel about supporting extended family financially if they were in need?
- 24.If we were 'influencers', what weird product would we accept money to promote?
- 25.What is one thing you would never want to sacrifice, no matter our financial situation?
- 26.Which movie character's bank account would you most want to have?
- 27.Does the way we divide our finances feel fair to you, or does it feel transactional?
- 28.What is the most 'expensive' sounding word you know?
- 29.What are your fears regarding retirement and aging from a financial perspective?
- 30.If we could hire one person to do one chore for the rest of our lives, what would it be?
- 31.How do you define 'enough' money?
- 32.What is the best thing we ever bought together for our home?
- 33.Is there a purchase I’ve made that made you feel uneasy or disrespected?
- 34.If we had a budget of $1 million to throw one party, what would be the theme?
- 35.In what ways do you think money has changed our relationship for better or worse?
- 36.Who is more likely to buy something because 'it was on sale' even if they don't need it?
- 37.If we had to live on half our current income, what would you miss the most emotionally?
- 38.What's the 'cheapest' thing you do that makes you feel rich?
- 39.What is the best financial lesson you learned from a difficult experience?
- 40.What would our 'superhero' headquarters look like if money were no object?
- 41.What financial accomplishment are you most proud of in our life together?
- 42.If you found $20 in your winter coat pocket, what would you spend it on right now?
- 43.How do you feel when we talk about money? Anxious, excited, or bored?
- 44.Which of us is better at finding the best deals online?
- 45.What does a 'wealthy life' look like to you, beyond just the balance in a bank account?
- 46.If we had a family crest, what financial symbol would be on it?
- 47.If one of us received a large inheritance, how would that affect our dynamic?
- 48.Who would be the first to go bankrupt in a game of Monopoly?
- 49.What is a financial 'taboo' you were raised with that we should break?
- 50.If we were forced to open a themed café together, what would we sell and what would it be called?
- 51.How much debt is 'too much' debt for you to feel comfortable?
- 52.If we could live for free in any hotel in the world, which one would it be?
- 53.Do you trust me to make major financial decisions if you weren't able to?
- 54.What's the most useless thing you'd buy if you were 'ridiculously' wealthy?
- 55.How should we celebrate when we reach a big financial milestone?
- 56.Who is the master of finding 'hidden fees' or double-checking the bill?
- 57.What is your biggest fear regarding how I spend money?
- 58.If we were rich, would we have a 'no-shoes' policy in our mansion?
- 59.If we had children (or for the ones we have), what is the most important financial value to teach them?
- 60.If we had to earn money as street performers, what would our act be?
Separate habits from values
A partner who checks every price and one who treats themselves on a Friday may want the same thing: to feel safe. Ask what each habit gives the other person. Once you see the value behind it, the habit is much easier to discuss without blame.
End with something you both want
Finish the talk by naming one shared goal, however small. A weekend away, an emergency fund, a new sofa. A concrete goal turns the money conversation into planning together, and it gives you a reason to check in again in a few months.